I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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