I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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