I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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