it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
