The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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