Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
