fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
