is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
