No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
