Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
