I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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