He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
