Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
