Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize