This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
