she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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