i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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