well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize