no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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