They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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