he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
