i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
