Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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