if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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