I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
