Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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