i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh god it's open bar.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
