I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
