i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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