I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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