For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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