The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
