I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
