Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
