friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize