I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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