He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
