So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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