I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
