dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize