I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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