Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
