I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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