I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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