WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
