About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
