My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize