ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
