Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
