I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
