just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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