The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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