yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
