He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
