I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
