Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
