Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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