I'm passing your future prison.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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