Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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