I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
