he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
