ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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