girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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